Local Man Who Can ‘Totally Outpitch’ 79-Year-Old Fauci Somehow Can’t Handle Players Kneeling


(Buffalo, New York) Local man Bryan James, who proudly announced from the couch today that he could outpitch 79-year-old Dr. Fauci, somehow couldn’t find the strength to watch as members of the Yankees and Nationals took a knee before today’s baseball game.

Wife Karen James says Bryan got emotional and had to change the channel when he saw that everyone was kneeling.

“Bryan was very proud of himself when he let the family know that he could toss the ball toward home plate better than Fauci. He even said he won’t trust a man who doesn’t know how to throw a baseball,” Karen stated. “But when my Bryan saw all those men kneeling in solidarity with the socialist, racist terrorists – well he lost his mind.”

Karen says her husband began throwing things at their brand new 65″ smart TV.

“Luckily for us Bryan didn’t hit the TV with a darn thing,” Karen stated. “He also didn’t throw hard enough to make any marks or dents in the wall, so things could certainly have been worse.”

As of Thursday night Bryan was icing his now injured throwing shoulder and bragging that he could still outpitch Dr. Fauci with his left hand.

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Pentagon: 'It's Time to Erect Statues In Honor Of Our Arriving Alien Overlords'

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