Disney World to Remain COVID-Free After Virus Admits It ‘Can’t Justify the Cost of a Day Pass’

(Orlando, FL) Disney World guests breathed a collective sigh of relief today as it was confirmed that the coronavirus would not be entering the gates of the world-famous amusement park. The news broke just moments ago when the virus itself admitted to reporters that it couldn’t bring itself to fork over the $169 for a Day Pass.

“Although it would only make sense that a virus such as myself would make its way into a busy, bustling place like Disney World, I cannot in good conscience justify the cost of a Day Pass,” the virus confirmed. “It doesn’t matter how badly I want to go in there, because these prices are fucking absurd.”