Man Who Has Never Celebrated Columbus Day Says He’ll Be Livid if It’s Cancelled

Unsure of exactly what Columbus Day is, or how or why people celebrate it, local man Tim Morris of Delafield, Wisconsin says he’ll be absolutely livid if lawmakers remove the holiday.

“This doesn’t impact Tim or anyone I know at all,” Tim’s wife Kaytie stated. “He isn’t even a government employee, so he wouldn’t be losing a day of paid vacation or anything either. He’s just going crazy from sitting on the couch and watching Fox News all day.”

As of late Wednesday evening Morris was on twitter telling liberals that they’re “destroying history” despite not knowing anything about Christopher Columbus, what country he came from, where he landed, how many innocent people he killed or that he didn’t discover America.