McDonald’s Announces the All-New McKaren Sandwich


It’s here! McDonald’s has announced their all-new McKaren sandwich. The fast food chain says the new food option is guaranteed to be ready in 30 seconds or less, in store, or it’s free.

“As a tribute to all Karens, the McKaren is comprised of an all-white bun with nothing of substance inside; making it easy to ensure that your meal hasn’t been poisoned,” McDonald’s CEO Christopher Kempczinski stated.

Currently, as part of a promotion, Karens can get a free McKaren if they complete a mobile order and then wait in line at the drive-thru for some fucking reason. They will then be handed a receipt and be told to park in a mobile pickup spot.

Notably, if the sandwich takes longer than 30 seconds to be delivered to the vehicle, a robot with a manager’s name tag will go up to Karen’s car and just stand there while being shouted at. McDonald’s says the robot is also capable of apologizing while spitting out free meal coupons for up to eight hours.

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Aunt Jemima Officially Changes Its Name to 'Antifa Jemima'

Quaker Oats announced today that their Aunt Jemima brand syrups and pancake mix will be renamed Antifa Jemima. The switch to using the word ‘Antifa,’ which stands for anti-fascist, signals the beginning of the end of racism during breakfast time. “Aunt Jemima’s origin is based on a deeply offensive racial stereotype, so we’re making a big change,” Quaker Oats spokesperson Jacquie Powers stated. “Whereas ‘Aunt Jemima’ is flat out racist, ‘Antifa Jemima’ is flipping the script to counterbalance the damage our brand has caused for decades. Consider this name change just a small part of the sticky-sweet justice of reparations.” Original photo credit
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