10 Reasons Why 73% of Millennials Are Totally Okay With Dying, Like Literally Right Now

A Gallop poll on happiness was released today that shows more than 70% of millennials are “totally okay with dying, like literally right now.” Here are the top 10 reasons that were given by participants:

10) Can’t afford health insurance anyway.

9) A forever nap actually sounds rather nice right about now.

8) Mercury is in retrograde.

7) Racism. Like, A LOT of it.

6) Had to go deep into student loan debt just to get a job that pays $18/hr.

5) My Chemical Romance.

4) Had to move back in with parents.

3) Bored. Looking for something new to do.

2) Serotonin has been depleted from impulsive hair coloring.

1) We’re trapped in a cold, unforgiving world full of hate, ignorance and violence, and left here to slowly wither away, suffering, and eventually dying alone.

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Man Who Hates Minorities Deeply Offended If You Call Him Racist

(Green Bay, WI) Local man Justin Loughty says he’s tired of being called a racist just because he hates minorities. Loughty says he’s being unfairly discriminated against his whole life and that he plans to start a group that will welcome everyone in the area – no matter who they are – so long as they look and think just like him. “I also want an inclusive, protected area or space; something for guys like me,” Loughty stated. “Something for guys who find friends by using a variation of the n-word – such as ‘ninja’ – when around unfamiliar company. You know, people who throw the white power hand sign as a ‘joke’. Simple things like that.” Loughty says the final straw for him was when his daughter brought her black boyfriend from college home. “He had the nerve to call me racist! I know in my heart that I don’t feel racist, but my daughter will not be dating a black guy!” Loughty shouted. “I didn’t even know we had those around here and we aren’t giving grandma a stroke.” As of press time, Loughty had decided not to start his own group as he found that at least four similar organizations already existed in Wisconsin.
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