Failed Frozen Steak Salesman Turned Reality TV Host Somehow Not Good at Leading a Nation


A 73-year-old former frozen steak salesman is having a surprisingly hard time running an entire country despite having been a reality TV host. What do you think?

“Can’t talk right now. I’m about to jump on a Trump Airlines flight to Atlantic City, have a few Trump Vodka drinks, and gamble at the Trump Taj Majal.” – Cassandra Tubbleman, Sarcastic Agoraphobe
“Wait. You mean all of this is real?” – David Higgins, Stay-at-Home LSD Tester
“My least favorite episode of the Trump Show is the one where 100,000 people died from a virus while state governors were forced to compete for COVID-19 aid.” – Esteban Tills, Furloughed Volunteer Lifeguard

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White People Long for Sports Championships to Resume So They Have a Reason to Riot Too

Countless white fans are itching for sports and their championship games to resume so that they have their own reason to loot and riot. One Philadelphia Eagles fan, Michael Hillard, says he’s been wanting to “fuck some shit up” for two years. “We haven’t had ourselves a decent riot since the 2018 Super Bowl when the Eagles beat the Patriots,” Hillard stated. “We were flipping cars, pulling down streetlights, and lighting fires; not because we wanted to, but because we had to. There’s really no other way to express yourself when you’re dealing with the life and death issue that is sports.” Photo Credit Rommy Ghaly
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