Angry Pope Francis Says ‘Cancel Mass, Read a Goddamned Bible Already!’

YouReadyGrandma

Pope Francis took time out of his weekly address today to tell priests and followers across the globe to “cancel mass, stay home, and read a goddamned Bible already!”

“I’m most deeply saddened and ashamed for the priests who have clearly not read the holy book!” Francis yelled. “Matthew 18:20 reads ‘For where two or three gather in my name, there am I with them.’ So there’s no need to hold mass like fucking fools and spread this deadly virus!”

Francis then paused and took a deep breath while unsuccessfully attempting to collect himself.

“So my challenge to all of the faithful is this: Do me a favor! Read the Bible for once in your goddamned lives! Cover-to-cover, just once. Do it for me!” Francis shouted. “For I say unto thee: as truly fucked up as the Bible is, there do exist some good little truth nuggets, although they are sparsely scattered throughout. Amen.”


Photo Credit Mario Duran-Ortiz

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