Struggling Music Industry Defends Firing of Non-Essential Twerkers

Music Industry Defends Decision on Non-Essential Twerkers

With most major music events having been cancelled worldwide, and new music videos being postponed, the music industry is now defending itself for letting more than 115,000 non-essential twerkers go this week.

“Although the industry itself will likely never die, we do unfortunately need to make smart business decisions during this tough time,” a press release read. “As of right now we can no longer financially justify keeping our non-essential twerkers.”

What do you think?

“With strip clubs closed, what exactly are we expecting these people to do for money? Crack walnuts with their asscheeks?” – Cassandra Mulvaney, Hip Hop Dance Instructor
“Oh, boo-hoo! Now they’ll have to booty pop for free on Tik Tok like everybody else!” – Jason Juarez, Volunteer Lifeguard
“Looks like it’s time to ‘back that thing up’ into storage.” – Howard Stellsinger, Retired Bus Driver

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Costco: 'Mask Boycott Has Undoubtedly Improved the Quality of Our Clientele'

Lines, foot traffic, parking, and people have now become reasonable at Costco locations across the country thanks to a nationwide boycott of the chain by idiots who refuse to follow the store’s mask-wearing requirement. Costco says the boycott has ‘undoubtedly improved’ the quality of its clientele. “In all fairness, we probably should have had some basic intelligence requirements to join Costco in the first place,” CEO Walter Jelinek stated. “This would have lessened the crowding issues we had and taken care of those idiots who block entire aisles with their carts.” Costco says that since the start of the boycott, revenue has – for the most part – remained steady and customers have reported a much more pleasant shopping experience. “Grocery shopping isn’t necessarily all that fun to begin with,” Costco customer Steven Pryor stated. “But I have to say it’s quite nice to not have to constantly dodge morons who lack spacial awareness.” As of press time, Costco says they’ll be permanently banning shoppers who try to enter their stores without a mask and donating their prorated membership balance to purchase face masks for essential workers.
Costco Bans People for Not Wearing Face Masks
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