Study: More Americans Drown in Swimming Pools Last Year Than Have Ever Received Useful Advice From Dr. Phil

An in-depth study by the University of California-Berkeley revealed today that the number of Americans who drown in a swimming pool last year far surpassed the amount of people who have ever received any helpful advice from Dr. Phil.

“In the United States alone, 3,536 people drown in a pool last year,” head researcher Brian Fardango stated. “While any number is too high when talking about death, this amount of pool-related deaths is still far higher than the number of people who have ever received useful advice from ‘Dr. Phil’ who is unlicensed to practice any form of medicine.”

“Additionally, we estimate that of the 3,536 people who drown in a swimming pool last year, at least half of them met their demise by directly following advice from Dr. Phil himself,” Fardango stated.

Researchers at Berkeley also noted that those who did claim to have benefit from Dr. Phil’s advice already had brain activity similar to those who had been found floating face-down in a swimming pool.