God Gives Hobby Lobby Owners Coronavirus After ‘Getting Real Sick of Their Shit’

YouReadyGrandma

Our Divine Creator who lives in the heavens finally lost His holy shit with the ungodly Hobby Lobby today after the company refused to close its doors during the pandemic; putting underpaid workers and customers at risk. As punishment, God gave owners David and Barbara Green the coronavirus.

“First they did the birth control thing, then they purchased stolen ancient artifacts, and on top of that they loathe the gays,” God stated. “So Barbara might call herself the ‘prayer warrior’ of her family, and claim that she talks to me, but I just gave that heartless liar the coronavirus.”

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Michigan Town Surprises Struggling Neighbor With Free Toilet Paper

(Ann Arbor, MI) Dressed in black and under the cover of darkness, the neighbors of Chad and Karen Seymour opened their hearts and supply rooms to donate $1,000 worth of toilet paper directly to the couple’s front lawn, porch, trees, roof, cars, and mailbox. “They truly deserved it,” one neighbor confirmed while speaking on condition of anonymity. “Couldn’t have happened to a nicer couple.” This morning the Mayor of Ann Arbor Christopher Taylor spoke out. “Our city is setting an example in creative giving,” Taylor stated. “We encourage everyone to share their supplies with neighbors in need. Even if they were complete assholes like the Seymor’s.” Advertisements
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