Does Apartment 2B Have Coronavirus, Or Are They Just Huge Stoners?

YouReadyGrandma

People across the United States are being asked to inform their apartment, townhouse, or condo neighbors if they plan on smoking marijuana. The odd request is so that panic doesn’t spread from hearing repeated, guttural coughing through the walls after someone hits their bong or does a dab.

American citizens are also being told by Senator Bernie Sanders to show compassion by offering marijuana to their neighbors.

“I’m asking that everyone share their cannabis in this difficult and trying time,” Sanders stated. “I think we can all agree that now is a great time to torch up that sweet sticky icky, and puff puff pass it around. Now, if anyone has some Blue Dream or some White 99, please meet me backstage immediately after this.”

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Priest Who Finally Has Church All to Himself Dances Around in the Nude

With church services across the US cancelled and “God continuing to rightfully punish humans with the coronavirus,” Father Joseph Stevenson of St. Elmo’s Fire Church in Birmingham, Alabama decided to strip nude in his empty church and frolic about; just like he’s always wanted to. “With no staff here, I can finally let my hair down and just be me,” an ecstatic, 67-year old Stevenson shouted to himself over the blaring sound of the pipe organ version of Cher’s hit song “Believe.” “I’ve never felt more alive!” As of press time, Father Stevens couldn’t hear authorities pounding on the doors, looking for an altar boy believed to be trapped somewhere in the locked church; hiding from the elderly, dancing and singing, naked man. “You can see straight through the stained glass windows if you get close enough,” a statement from authorities confirmed. “Eventually Father Stevens will tire himself out, but in the meantime, it’s our responsibility to monitor the situation.” Orig. Photo by Jules & Jenny
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