Belle Delphine’s Bathwater Identified as Source of Coronavirus

Scientists at the World Health Organization (WHO) announced today that internet celebrity Belle Delphine’s bathwater was the initial source of the coronavirus. According to the cosplay star’s website, Delphine has sold her dirty bathwater to fans across the globe – most of which are gamers – for a whopping $250 a jar.

“What we have here is a situation in which a mutated form of gonorrhea has infected gamers across the world; causing flu-like symptoms,” WHO Director Tedros Adhanom stated. “Notably, this is the first know case of gonorrhea being spread by a large group of virgins.”

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Lifehack: How 35 Weighted Blankets Can Get Your Partner to Stop Snoring for Good

1 in 4 people are chronic snorers, and if you’re reading this, we know that you’re desperately looking for a solution that will end your partner’s snoring for good. So here it is, plain and simple: this quick lifehack will completely change your life. Step 1: Acquire 35, 12-pound weighted blankets. Step 2: Wait for your partner to fall asleep. Step 3: Slowly cover your partner in layer after layer of weighted blankets until the snoring stops. Ignore any muffled screams and within minutes you’ll be enjoying the silence. Step 4: Repeat the process if your future cellmate also turns out to be a snorer.
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