Ploy to Never Be Called for Jury Duty Again Succeeds After Republicans Derail Impeachment Trial

Senate Republicans celebrated their success in acquitting president Trump today, admitting their complete incompetence was a ruse that all but assures Republican Senators will never be called for jury duty.

“We had our eyes on the prize the whole time and it really paid off,” Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell s grinned. “We’ve now clearly demonstrated an inability to be fair or impartial; meaning we’ll never receive a jury summons or have to pretend to care about the rule of law again.”