GoFundMe Raises Over $200,000 to Remove Malignant Rush Limbaugh From Lung Tumor

Devil Gives Rush Limbaugh Warm Welcome By Turning Up Heat in Hell

After conservative shock jock Rush Limbaugh told his radio listeners that he was diagnosed with lung cancer today, people across the globe opened their hearts and their wallets to raise money to remove Rush Limbaugh from the young lung tumor.

Around noon Eastern time a GoFundMe page was set up to raise money for the operation and within an hour the goal of $200,000 had already been surpassed; meaning that surgeons will be able to extract Rush Limbaugh from the tumor this coming Friday.

Meanwhile, doctors say they are baffled by the situation as it is the first documented case of cancer getting cancer.

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Iowa Caucus App Fails After Too Many Russians Log In at the Same Time

The voting app used for last night’s Iowa Caucus crashed multiple times after thousands of Russian hackers attempted to log in to vote at the same time. Now, Russian president Vladimir Putin is crying foul – calling the results “tainted” and “a hoax.” “Perceived democracy is something to be valued as a social tool to control the masses,” Putin confirmed. “Last night destroyed my confidence that America will ever be a truly viable democracy for Russia to manipulate.” Meanwhile, two large protests have broken out in Moscow and St. Petersburg over Russia’s inability to participate in last night’s Iowa Caucus.
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