Woke drug abuser only does ethically sourced, toxin-free meth

YouReadyGrandma

Woke Methamphetamine user Greg Simms of Mobile, Alabama, and tens of thousands of drug users around the world, are refusing to use meth made with Pfizer’s Advil Cold & Sinus. The movement comes in response to the company’s direct role in the opioid epidemic in which Pfizer maliciously funneled Oxycontin through skeezy doctors for years; contributing to countless deaths.

“As a result of Pfizer’s actions, meth users everywhere have made the conscious decision to ethically source our ingredients from Pfizer’s competitor Johnson & Johnson,” a nearly toothless Simms stated. “Plus, it’s worth noting that Sudafed is toxin-free, so you get a smooth, zero-guilt hit every time.”

As of press time, Johnson & Johnson stock was up 11% – completely offsetting last weeks plummet after it was discovered that their baby powder can cause cancer.

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