Coronavirus: ‘Death jobs’ are coming to America, Secretary of Commerce says

Secretary of Commerce and ventriloquist dummy come-to-life Wilbur Ross publicly announced today that he prays the spread of the coronavirus will bring “death economy jobs” to America.

“With the titilating prospect of the coronavirus becoming a global pandemic, citizens will be seeing more work opportunities,” Ross stated. “We’re talking jobs like funeral home manager, gravedigger, coffin designer, face mask and hazmat suit sellers. Hopefully Americans will be able to keep up with the demand.”

As of press time, president Trump stated that he wanted to “push the little green start button on a gigantic crematorium machine, like all of the other great leaders have.”