China will launch their elderly into a supermassive black hole large enough to quietly solve their population problem

YouReadyGrandma

China announced today that it will be launching its first massive shuttle filled with hundreds of elderly citizens into a supermassive black hole.

With China’s 65 and older population expected to reach 487 million, or nearly 35 percent by 2050, scientists say the new plan should be able to cut that number in half by 2036. By then, China estimates there will be 250 million corpses rocketing toward the black hole – an event that will mark the freest a Chinese citizen has ever been.

Next Post

The Mormon Church collected $100 billion to buy every American magical underwear

The Mormon Church broke news yesterday that they had amassed over $100 billion in a charity fund over the course of 22 years in order to buy every American “magical underwear”. “Made of unbleached cotton, these stylish full-body jockstraps make for wonderful enchanted undergarments,” Mormon leader Father Christopher Daniels told reporters. “They’re worn by superstars the likes of Mitt Romney and Donnie and Marie Osmond, so you’ll know you’re poppin’! Nothing says ‘I don’t know how sex works’ like this sleek and stylish design.” The church says deliveries of the magical underwear will begin on Christmas day. “Be sure to watch for us!” Father Daniels stated. “When you see two overtly bi-curious men come biking up your driveway – then smile – because that’s your underwear delivery!” Additionally, for just a $1,000 donation, the church says the delivery boys will personally put the underwear on you.
%d bloggers like this: