Conservatives identify Greta Thunberg as first known case of white privilege

After being named Time Magazine’s Person of the Year, conservatives everywhere are calling Greta Thunberg’s success the first known case of white privilege. The 16-year old Sweed with Asperger’s has been a leading voice in climate change activism.

“This is the first instance of white privilege and Miss Thunberg is patient zero,” Senator Mitch McConnell stated. “This rich, straight, white teenager is sailing the world, skipping school, and still somehow complaining about everything and anything. She must be stopped.”

Conservatives say their main concern is figuring out how Thunberg’s actions are benefiting her.

“It’s alarming that anyone’s skin color or wealth could give them an advantage,” McConnell stated. “But what’s more troubling is not knowing why she’s doing it. Does she own a wind farm?”

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Nancy Pelosi gave a briefing this morning explaining the remaining steps to impeaching president Donald Trump. “For those of you who aren’t clear, I wanted to lay out the next steps for the impeachment process,” a wide-eyed Pelosi stated. “Today the House Judiciary Committee will argue and then hold a vote to vote on a vote for tomorrow’s impeachment vote after a preliminary shouting match and vote today and Friday.” Pelosi then confirmed that the process would be repeated in the Senate, but take about five times longer. Photo credit Ron Cogswell
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