Harvard Study Reveals that All Homophobic Men are Gay

A shocking, double-blind study released by Harvard, in collaboration with MIT, has revealed that all men who are homophobic are actually homosexuals themselves. The study, which was carried out over the course of 5 years and involved nearly 5,000 male subjects, is being accepted by the American Psychological Association as being “scientifically irrefutable.”

This lengthy, intricate study was conducted by the folks at the Harvard Center for Brain Science and incorporated proven Penis Responsiveness Technology (PRT) and Brainwave Function Reading (BFR) from leading scientists from the Biomimetic Robotics Lab at MIT.

The Penis Responsiveness Technology was created from an offshoot program with the Meshworm Soft Robotics sleeve which was fitted around each of the subjects’ tiny penises. It is capable of measuring blood flow, responsive twitches, and swelling. Meanwhile, Brainwave Function Reading system was set up with diodes attached to the different parts of the uninhabited skull to read basic emotional responses in each part of the brain as stimuli was taken in by each subject.

Test subjects were then shown pictures of gay males in various affectionate scenarios of increasingly sexual nature. “We began with hand holding, cuddling, and kissing,” Head Researcher Maxwell Kow stated.

“Without fail, each and every person in the study who strongly expressed a dislike of LGBTQ+ individuals in the intake survey always had brain activity that showed feelings of confusion and extreme arousal,” Kow stated. “This was inevitably coupled with physical arousal to various degrees, but it was certainly significant enough to show that they have a desire to rub sweaty, hairy balls on their face.”

The study also showed a direct, positive correlation between the degree of homophobia expressed in a subject’s survey and the decreased time it took the individual to produce a full-on, albeit tiny erection.

“If our findings make you angry, just know that it’s because you’re gay,” Kow concluded.

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Subject covering erection.
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