Trump: “The radical left is taking Jesus out of the Thanksgiving Turkey preparation process”

YouReadyGrandma

President Trump went on a 20-minute rant at a rally in Pittsburgh, PA last night in which he described how the radical left is taking Jesus out of the Thanksgiving turkey preparation process.

“They want to stop us, the lefty loons, ” Trump stated. “But we still cook our turkeys in the oven for 3 days and 3 nights just like Jesus was baked in that giant brick oven before being served to the disciples for the Last Supper. Well – baked or broiled – that’s up for debate if you ask the Pilgrim Scholars.”

The president then poured hot gravy and cranberry sauce over his head and shouted “the blood of Christ be with you!”

To which his supporters replied, “And also with you!”

As of press time the president was at Walter Reed Hospital where they are conducting a study to figure out how he became such a stable genius.

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Mike Pence revokes pardons after learning two male turkeys overnighted at the luxe Willard Intercontinental Hotel

Vice President Mike Pence had president Trump revoke the pardons for two male turkeys that were set free yesterday after learning they’d stayed together in a room at the luxe Willard Intercontinental Hotel the previous night. The reversal marks the first time that the turkeys weren’t spared since the White House tradition began in 1989. After the turkeys were slain, Pence took them home to stuff and serve at his Thanksgiving dinner. As of press time it’s unclear whether or not the Vice President will stick his head in the oven as well. Advertisements
Mike Pence revokes pardon for two male turkeys after learning they overnighted at the luxe Willard Intercontinental Hotel
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