Epstein digs up and hangs himself again after cemetery night watchmen forget to monitor his burial site

Epstein digs up and hangs himself again after cemetery night watchmen forget to monitor his tomb

The corpse of deceased convicted sex offender Jeffrey Epstein was found hanging in a tree outside of his mausoleum in Loxahatchee, Florida this morning. Authorities investigating the incident say that two night watchmen on duty last night failed to make two of their 30-minute rounds to inspect the grounds and that’s when Epstein killed himself. Again.

“What’s clear is that we have a suicide on our hands here,” Loxachatchee Police Chief Jason Whitfield confirmed. “Mr. Epstein knew that he’d be locked up in that casket indefinitely and he simply couldn’t take it anymore.”

Advertisements

3 thoughts on “Epstein digs up and hangs himself again after cemetery night watchmen forget to monitor his burial site

  1. This is not funny, because he didn’t even do it the first time.

  2. This is not funny, because he didn’t even do it the first time.

Leave a Comment

Next Post

A long, wet fart ended Trump's mystery Walter Reed Hospital visit

Staff at Walter Reed National Military Medical Center have confirmed that president Trump’s unannounced visit last week was prompted by gas that caused the president to suffer from intense abdominal pain and cramping. “The president was in tears, inconsolable, and shouting ‘This is it! This is how I go!'” an anonymous hospital staffer confirmed. It took over an hour of shrieking and sobbing before the president finally let out a long, wet, squeaky fart – relieving most of his pain. “After his initial burst of flatulence, the gates were unlocked and the farts became frequent,” the staffer confirmed. “The noises were high-pitched and somehow sounded like they ended in a question mark.” Once the smell in the room became unbearable, doctors directed the president to walk the hospital grounds. Staff accompanying the president confirm that he continued to fart with every step he took for the better part of an hour. Advertisements
A long, wet fart ended Trump's mystery Walter Reed Hospital visit
%d bloggers like this: