The White House’s monthly horoscope for the president was leaked this morning and Donald Trump is not pleased. The official document, which is used to guide the president, says Trump is expected to have a rocky month.
“Fearless leader and Gemini,” Trump’s horoscope reads. “Trying to keep up appearances is taking its toll, so if you’re not exactly in the social butterfly mood, that’s something the American people need to understand.”
“If the Democrats are pushing you out, let them know right away that you are looking for a break from the action,” the official government document suggested. “It might be time to put your personal lawyer in storage, stop digging your own grave, and pick out a nice new narrative. Command the chaos by bringing some fresh distractions into your fictional world.”