KFC: “We will pour piping hot coffee down the front of your pants”

YouReadyGrandma

In an effort to “lure those who have given up on life” into their restaurants, KFC is now selling a 3,450 calorie fried Chicken & Donut sandwich meant to induce heart attacks while offering to dump hot coffee all over guests’ crotches.

“We’ve used real tears of underpaid workers to give the donuts a salty-sweet glaze,” KFC CEO Roger Eaton stated. “Then we deep fry the chicken in a vat of employee sweat to get that taste of utter despair packed into every savory bite. And then, for just $1 more, we’ll pour piping hot coffee down the front of your pants.”

Eaton says that the scalding hot coffee in your lap and Chicken & Donut sandwich will remain on the menu until the company is hit with a class action lawsuit.

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