Tired of nonstop mass shootings? Dive-in and take cover at Red Lobster for Endless Shrimp

Take a break from the bad news this week and come on down to Red Lobster for all-you-can-eat shrimp for only $AK.47. Our apologies, $14.79.

Bring your kids in during the school day for some savory seafood as we assault your senses with garlic shrimp scampi, crunchy fiesta shrimp or sesame-ginger grilled shrimp.

Let your little shrimp scamper into a shooting-free Red Lobster* today and our wait staff will even teach them basic math throughout their meal. So let your child play hooky at a Red Lobster this school year and increase their survival chances as you absolutely tear apart some hot, buttery popcorn shrimp.

*Remember, there’s no guarantee it couldn’t happen here, so if it does, you can always dive into our endless shrimp and hide in there until the coast is clear.

Photo Credit Mike Mozart