Pope Francis says he took a crap in a Vatican elevator today when he became trapped inside for close to half an hour. The elevator incident left the leader of the Catholic Church several minutes late for his regularly scheduled address at St. Peter’s Square where he explained why he was tardy.
“I already had to go when I first got on,” Pope Francis announced to the crowd of 7,000. “But once I hit the 20-minute mark there was a turtle head poking out. Just in and out, in and out it went,” Francis gestured with his fingertip through an O-shape on his other hand. “I thought to myself ‘this too shall pass’ and indeed it did.”
When asked if he was riding the elevator alone, Pope Francis said he was not by himself.
“The elevator started moving again and I tripped and streaked shit all over the floor,” Francis told the stunned crowd. “And when I looked down, there were two sets of footprints in my poop. God had stepped in my poop!”