The Department of Justice’s annual white elephant gift exchange went horribly wrong this year when packages full of white supremacist paraphernalia arrived at the gathering. Attorney General William Barr says the error was an honest mistake. “Its pretty cut and dry. The memo said ‘white elephant’ I thought it said something else,” Attorney General Barr stated. “So I gathered up some items from my desk and around the office and sent it over.” Barr says that, in his defense, most of his friends and coworkers would have loved the gifts. Advertisements
ABC’s Dancing With The Stars announced today that they’ve cast of all 290 people who’ve left the Trump administration to fill the talent slots for the show’s next 24 seasons.
“Those familiar with the Bible will immediately know that this is The Mark of the Beast,” stated Carson while steepling his fingers and arching his eyebrows.
On the same day that Larry King divorced his 7th wife, the new bachelor immediately signed the paperwork to marry and then divorce each of his three mistresses. King’s lawyer said that the TV host wanted “a fresh start and clean break before he starts looking for lucky number 11.” Photo Credit Gage Skidmore
Republicans looking to legalize hemp in Texas have accidentally decriminalized marijuana. Lawmakers learned of their mistake after scientists revealed that there’s no way to decipher between hemp and cannabis without expensive THC testing. What do you think? Janet Johanson, Life Coach in training Harold Mistwell, History Teacher Maria Mendoza finishes her 10 year sentence for possession of marijuana this week at Hilltop Prison in Gatesville, TX.
US Steel, the nation’s second largest producer of steel, will be laying off over 200 employees as a way of celebrating the impacts of Trump’s tariffs. “We’re doing so well that we’ve fulfilled all the orders,” US Steel CEO David Burritt stated. “For the first time in our history we’re all caught up!” As part of the celebration, US Steel will have its 3,000-plus employees draw straws today to see who gets to go home early and permanently.