All of the world saw when the president boarded Air Force One and his gigantic bald spot was revealed, but religious scholars are now making light of the fact that Trump also had an upside down cross carved into his scalp – a biblical sign of the antichrist.
Former presidential hopeful and religious scholar Ben Carson believes that Mr. Trump is likely the devil incarnate.
“Those familiar with the Bible will immediately know that this is The Mark of the Beast,” stated Carson while steepling his fingers and arching his eyebrows. “Donald also uses his powers to lie with wicked deception and is a lawless man; he refuses to love truth. He is the opposite of God.”
“Those who celebrate our Christ know of Palm Sunday – the day when we mark a cross on our foreheads with the ashes of palm leaves and then walk around in public like everything is normal,” said a wide-eyed, yet subdued Ben Carson.
“During the ritual, a cross is drawn on believers’ foreheads,” smiled Carson while moving his pinky finger in the shape of a large circle, “and the priest recites ‘Remember that you are dust, and to dust you shall return’. This practice echoes back to Revelations 14:1 where John the Apostle described the true followers of Christ standing on Mount Zion with Jesus – all with the cross drawn on their foreheads.”
“So with President Trump having an upside down cross on the back of his scalp, we can only assume that he is the opposite of Jesus. He is the antichrist,” grinned a sleepy-looking Ben Carson.
Yet, some have pushed back against the notion that Trump could be the antichrist. Indeed, even Pope Francis has cited specific reasons as to why the leader of the free world could not possibly be Lucifer himself:
“The Bible clearly states that the antichrist will have 4 key characteristics. He will have charisma, cleverness, be a conqueror, and have complete economic control,” said Francis. “The first two are out the door as this man is dull and unpleasant; he’s quite repulsive.”
“In the Bible, the antichrist is also referred to as the ‘King of the North’,” stated Francis. “But in the United States, he’s really only liked in The South and he’s wildly unpopular across the globe,” added the Pope. “Finally – as far as being a conqueror – he simply isn’t one. Trump is a loser. He’s a feces-filled punching bag. When you think you’ve struck him hard enough he just continues on, spreading shit everywhere,” concluded Francis.
Still, many God-fearing Trump supporters can take solace in the fact that the antichrist is said to have a ‘keen ability to avoid scandal’ and that ‘he will have no desire for women’.