Mitch McConnell put on shell-rest after government healthcare fixes his broken shoulder

Reports say McConnell injured himself while he was aggressively fucking the country.

Veterinarians have ordered Senator Mitch McConnell to stay in his shell while he recovers from a broken shoulder. Reports say McConnell injured himself while he was aggressively fucking the country.

A spokeswoman for McConnell says the Senator will be fine in two to three months.

“We’ve got his heat lamps turned up and the basking rock is at a nice temperature. Mr. McConnell is resting comfortably.”

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