“What better way to show that the United States is a Christian nation than by celebrating Jesus’ crucifixion on America’s birthday!?” – President Donald J. Trump
“Maybe it’ll actually be good enough to win an award this time.” – Will Ferrell
Biden’s hair came from his soundproof hobby room where he keeps his personal collection of real hair, mannequins and doll parts.
“It’s safe to say that most residents of the state of Mississippi have been vegetarian, or close to it, since 2009.” – Governor Phil Bryant
The company is set to increase revenue by a staggering 37% by simply having their most competent employees run the store once a week.
“An investigation will show Melania’s knockers were implanted by the Russians to spy on our great nation.”