Millennials Celebrate National Avocado Day by Sucking On Pits & Skins From Dumpsters

Notably, avocado pits are the perfect choking hazard for anyone that’s tired of living with their parents.

Elizabeth Warren Drinks Six Beers, Then Drunkenly Proposes a Warren-Sanders Presidential Ticket on Live TV

“I saw the whole thing. Very odd, very sad.” – Senator Bernie Sanders

NRA Partners With Amazon For Same Day Gun Shipping

Amazon says that nearly 90% of Prime members should be able to order a gun and receive it in less than 3 hours.

North Korea Invites Trump to Launch Next Round of Test Missiles

“There’s a lot of geography going on over there,” Trump stated. “So I’ll be aiming straight south so there’s no surprises.”

Pabst is Selling Alcoholic ‘Hard Coffee’ Because Fuck It

“This alcohol-infused breakfast beverage is the perfect way to start your workday or end your marriage.”

Having Trouble Sleeping? Bathing in the Blood of Your Enemies Could Help

Finally there’s a way for insomniacs and worriers to get a good night’s sleep.

Supreme Court Ruling Gives Green Light For Trump Border Wall Hotel Construction

The Trump Border Wall Hotel will be the 15th longest structure in the world and have over half a million rooms.

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