Yes, There’s a Parallel Universe Where You Aren’t a Total Piece of Shit

“You can rest assured that somewhere, in an existing but undetectable universe, another version of you is out there having a meaningful, fulfilling life.”


‘Uber Old’ Will Let Elderly Passengers Ride Along, Tell Stories

The option will let baby boomers and the remainder of the silent generation enjoy the company of others.

Japan Resumes Hunting of Overweight Citizens After 30-Year Ban

Japan will resume the commercial killing of overweight citizens in an effort to curb the population of the island and supplement dwindling soybean supplies.

U.S. Stops Development of Genetically-Modified, Cybernetic Babies

An executive order from the desk of President Trump has put an end to genetically-modified, cyborg baby programs.

Al Gore to Release Scathing Climate Change Film Titled ‘Bitches, I Fucking Warned You!’

“The people alive today are the last generation of humans that’ll live on this planet as we know it. Having said that, I’d like to invite everyone to go ahead and eat a dick.”

Joe Biden: “Trump’s Wig Has an Overwhelming Odor Of Cocaine and Hairspray”

“I picked up the sweet, floral tones of South Colombian cocaine and the chemical aura of John Frieda’s Luxurious Volume Forever Full Hairspray for Fine Wigs.” – Joe Biden

Elderly Paratroopers Forcibly Removed From Senior Living & Dropped over France for 75th Anniversary of D-Day


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