New White House Press Secretary Stephanie Grisham will replace Sarah Huckabee Sanders at the end of the month. Grisham will also be paid to look angry and do basically nothing.
“There’s no press conferences scheduled for the future and Sarah had her last one 106 days ago,” Grisham glared. “So take a good hard look at my face because you won’t be seeing it until impeachment time.”
Staffers also confirm that Grisham is scheduled to take a crowbar to the face later today in an attempt to make her eye situation match that of Sanders.
“Trump likes familiarity and stability – two things he rarely sees,” a staffer stated. “By winding up and clocking Stephanie in the face, we may just be able to provide that for the president.”
In the meantime, most Americans are wishing the outgoing Sarah Sanders a heartfelt fuck you.