‘Uber Old’ Will Let Elderly Passengers Ride Along, Tell Stories

For just $11 an hour, or a 12oz bag of Worther’s Original candies, Uber Old will allow senior citizens age 65 and older to hop in a driver’s car and ride along indefinitely. The option will let baby boomers and the remainder of the silent generation enjoy the company of others.

“These people need human interaction. ” Uber CEO Dara Khosrowshahi stated. “They want to tell stories and be unapologetically gassy around others.”

Drivers will still pick up other riders for the cantankerous old folks to talk to and a new ratings system will be put in place for the elderly riders.

“The only relevant measurement for this demographic would be a racism ratings scale.” Khosrowshahi stated. “We’ve got to warn the drivers if grandma is a charming Klan sympathizer. There’s no place for quaint racism at Uber.”

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