Courageous Group is Taking Back the Swastika.

“I’m not sure why we’d give the swastika to one side over the other,” Trump stated. “If we’re trying to accept everyone, we need to start by including minority groups like the Klan in these discussions.”

Elizabeth Warren Becomes Spokeswoman for New Lesbian Dating App Mufflr

According to their website, Mufflr is being funded by powerful lesbians Ellen Degeneres and Hillary Clinton.

Greenpeace Tells Americans: “Wipe Your Butts With Your Hands”

“Who cares if you can’t wash the smell off, you’ve saved an orangutan!”

Uber Adds Rude ‘Shut Up’ Button to Silence Drivers During Rides

“The abrupt endings of these conversations will lead to awkward silences, but the thrill of a total power trip makes it all worth it.”

Republican Bill Blocking Funding for Planned Parenthood Aborted on US Senate Floor

“We know it is hard for Mr. McConnell to have to abort the bill right here on the Senate floor, but Democrats are truly supportive of the decision.”

Trump Ends Capitalism in The United States

Maybe I give some intellectual property to China and maybe in return they build me a wall on the border using those Nike worker children. Can we do this? I don’t know folks, but we’re going to try.”

Radical Religious Group “Y’all-Qaeda” Bans Abortion in Alabama

Authorities have confirmed that Y’all-Qaeda leadership has ties to a Mississippi terror cell referred to as Talabangelicals who are also complete [expletive].

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