The Science of The Butt Dial: How Your Booty Calls People Without You Knowing

YouReadyGrandma

“Contrary to popular belief, fingerlike appendages do not exit the butt and press on the phone screen, that’s poop you’re thinking of.”

Advertisements

Researchers at the Mayo Clinic in Rochester, Minnesota released shocking findings today after conducting a double-blind study on butt dialing.

“We now know that it’s micro-farts which vibrate at a frequency that can manipulate the phone – allowing your ass to both dial out and answer calls.” Head Researcher Doctor Joseph Levinstein stated. “Contrary to popular belief, fingerlike appendages do not exit the butt and press on the phone screen, that’s poop you’re thinking of.”

Still, Levinstein says that’s not the disturbing part. The scientist claims that the gluteus maximus is butt dialing on purpose.

“We now believe that our butts have developed their own social lives; something that we think started sometime around the invention of cell phones,” Levinstein stated. “Our protruding posteriors are making booty calls for ass to ass interaction – just like you and I. In fact, it’s likely a learned behavior from humans.”

So, if you’ve ever wondered where your minutes went, or if you receive unexplained phone calls with no one on the other end, scientists now have an answer.

“When you get those random calls and butt dials, it really is some asshole on the other end of the phone,” Levinstein stated.

Advertisements

Leave a Comment

Next Post

Trump Explains Why He Hasn't Made a Homophobic Nickname For Pete Buttigieg, Yet

“When I think of something, you better believe I’m going to go right up to him, get right on Peter and really ride him. Just unload on him with everything I’ve got – and I’ve got a lot. Just ask Melania. I’ve been trying to finish for quite a while, and when I do it’s going to feel great folks. Just great.”
%d bloggers like this: