What Happens to the 19 Dead Horses After the Kentucky Derby?

YouReadyGrandma

“We sell the meat to Taco Bell, send a bunch of parts to candy factories and use the rest to make high-end huffing glue.”

Advertisements

Not many people know what happens to the 19 horses that are euthanized after the Kentucky Derby. Here’s a rundown of what will happen to their majestic corpses this year.

As is tradition at the Kentucky Derby, the winning jockey puts down every losing horse with a croquet mallet. This year, after the grueling four-hour ceremonial clubbing, the lifeless beasts will be given to the race sponsor Elmer’s Glue.

“First we’re going to tour the country with the horses on display; kinda like a dead petting zoo.” Elmer’s CEO Michael Warren grinned. “Then we’ll chop ’em up, sell the meat to Taco Bell, send a bunch of parts to candy factories and use the rest to make high-end huffing glue.”

In fact, Elmer’s has confirmed that the horses killed after each year’s race are used to make designer huffing glue for the wealthy that sells for $1,200 per 8oz bottle.

“The secret ingredients are keyboard cleaner, paint thinner and chloroform – otherwise it’s the same shit Timmy is eating in art class,” Warren stated.

Return Home
Spare Change for an Old Lady?
Tip the Author
Publish your Article
Send News Tips
Take me to the MEMES!

Photo by Bill Brine

Advertisements

Leave a Comment

Next Post

Elizabeth Warren Recommends Changing Your Dreamcatcher Filter Every Spring

"My dreams became littered with terrifying sex monsters that attacked my lesbian lover Barb." - Elizabeth Warren
%d bloggers like this: