Not many people know what happens to the 19 horses that are euthanized after the Kentucky Derby. Here’s a rundown of what will happen to their majestic corpses this year.
As is tradition at the Kentucky Derby, the winning jockey puts down every losing horse with a croquet mallet. This year, after the grueling four-hour ceremonial clubbing, the lifeless beasts will be given to the race sponsor Elmer’s Glue.
“First we’re going to tour the country with the horses on display; kinda like a dead petting zoo.” Elmer’s CEO Michael Warren grinned. “Then we’ll chop ’em up, sell the meat to Taco Bell, send a bunch of parts to candy factories and use the rest to make high-end huffing glue.”
In fact, Elmer’s has confirmed that the horses killed after each year’s race are used to make designer huffing glue for the wealthy that sells for $1,200 per 8oz bottle.
“The secret ingredients are keyboard cleaner, paint thinner and chloroform – otherwise it’s the same shit Timmy is eating in art class,” Warren stated.
Photo by Bill Brine