Steve Cohen (D-Tenn.) rolled a dumpster full of trash onto the House floor this morning while screaming “You want a witch hunt!? Here’s your fucking witch hunt!”
Cohen then poured 14 gallons of gasoline, began playing ‘Spark the Fire’ by Gwen Stefani, and lit the contents of the dumpster. He then bit the heads off of several chickens before throwing them into the dumpster fire. Immediate applause from Democrats broke out and filled the room.
“I don’t know that Representative Cohen really had a plan there, but holy fuck was that cathartic,” Senator Bernie Sanders stated after watching the C-SPAN video. “Mr. Cohen just let out a lot of frustration and I think a weight was lifted for me as well.”
Meanwhile, Attorney General William Barr claims he had been heading in to testify, but immediately left when he saw smoke billowing out of the room.
“Where there’s smoke there’s fire.” Barr stated. “So when someone like Cohen refuses to cooperate, act rationally, or believes they’re above the law, well, they probably did something wrong.”
When asked if he retreated out of fear that Cohen would throw him into the flaming dumpster Barr replied, “I wasn’t worried because I’m no chicken; I’m a 300 pound, lying sack-of-shit that nobody will touch.”