Republicans now agree that the President has committed an impeachable offense.
“I’m running because I have a very particular set of skills,” the 7-foot tall former FBI Director bellowed. “Skills I have acquired over a very long career. Skills that make me a nightmare for people like you, Mr. Trump.”
“Apple fans will buy it because they are, without a doubt, the biggest consumer whores on the planet,” CEO Tim Cook stated.
“If you can toss a plastic soda ring right around a turtle’s neck or ram a straw up their nose you win $100 in Uber ride credits.”
“Science has confirmed that you all can shut the [expletive] up about it.”
“The Hall of Fam is like the silver medal for personal achievement. It’s meant for the guys that are a tad better than just okay.”
“Patriotism, the military, and war are all inherently republican. We own them,” Sanders stated.