Known for art-ing the hell out of a deal, President Trump has announced the grand opening of his very own marketing consultation company called Trump Consultation by Trump.
“It was a logical next step for a marketing genius and you’re all just too autistic to get it!” Press Secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders shouted while glaring angrily at countless shocked reporters.
“When 60% of your businesses don’t fail, that’s an 85% success rate with 40% of that not being fake news,” Sanders stated as she scanned the room in both a clockwise and counterclockwise direction – simultaneously – with both her left and slightly-lower, right-ish eye; respectively.
“Trump Consultation by Trump offers the Trump name to businesses looking to add the name Trump to their brand,” Sanders stated. “So watch for the return of Toys “R” Trump, chains of Trumpback Steakhouses, Trumpley-Donaldson motorcycles and Old Trumpy Buffet.
Meanwhile, a competing company accidentally started by Rudy Giuliani has already turned around American Apparel and Payless Shoes by renaming them America-in-Peril and Trumpless Shoes.