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Mueller Report Says President Trump has a Severe Flatulence Problem

The public may not know much about what’s in the Mueller report, but we now know this: Donald Trump has a medical condition that makes him fart uncontrollably.

An incredible 16 pages of the official report are dedicated solely to Trump’s ass acoustics – dwarfing Attorney General William Barr’s four-page summary.

At one point the report specifically states that “Donald J. Trump wasn’t interviewed for the simple fact that nobody wanted to be locked in a room with his Kentucky-fried wet-gravy farts.”

Trump’s rump-roars are frequent and aggressive, sometimes occurring more than fifty times in a single day.

“The condition also impacts his sleep,” the report says “It is not uncommon for the President to startle himself awake with his own anal applause. Then, when he can’t fall back asleep, Mr. Trump passes the time on Twitter. As for burping, it’s rare to hear him belch unless he’s just gargled pee.”

Notably, Trump’s actions go against the strict No Farting Policy that he himself put in place during his first months in office.

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