Leaders of Catholic Church Gather to Watch ‘Men in Black II’ & Build Memory-Erasing Machine

Pope Francis has called key leaders to Rome for multiple screenings of the 2002 hit movie Men in Black II starring Will Smith and Tommy Lee Jones.

“The goal here is to analyze the memory-erasing technology used in the film and then build, disperse and use the devices in every congregation around the world,” Pope Francis stated. “Notably, this is a perfect example of congruence between science and faith.”

The four-day meeting of 190 participants from across the world aims to remedy a PR nightmare of rape and abuse.

“We tried denial, shuffling priests and setting rules for hiding indiscretions,” Francis stated. “But we can’t unfuck this.”

In the meantime Francis has given clergy the greenlight to do whatever they want “since it barely mattered before and won’t be remembered in the future.”

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