Trump: “Let’s All Just Say Half of the Pledge and Call It a Day”

A weary president Trump announced today that he’d be fine if Americans just recited half of the Pledge of Allegiance and then carried on with school or whatever.

“I just learned today that the pledge was made by a socialist and our anthem is set to an old English drinking song,” Trump stated. “I only do cocaine, so I never learned the anthem.”

“I also don’t think there’s room to store more up there,” Trump said while pointing to his wig. “So let’s go with a half-pledge and cancel the anthem until Kanye writes a new one.”

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Take me to the MEMES!