An advertisement released by Gillette has pissed off men by suggesting that fighting, cat calling women and unwanted touching are bad things.
Meanwhile, male and female hipsters have begun shaving their beards in solidarity with Gillette; with most expected to be baby-faced by Saturday – all while claiming that they removed the hair last year.
Gillette issued a statement today in response to public outcry.
“We’ve already done all we can in regard to men’s skin sensitivity issues. We can’t help with the emotional ones. We tried to get some men to understand the difference between cat calling and a compliment and I’m not sure why we even bothered,” CEO James Kilts said. “Just because you’ll never get to be in a relationship with a beautiful woman doesn’t mean you get to act like a dumb, gross little bitch.”
Calls for firings and apologies have flooded Gillette and threatened revenue, causing the company to let the whole marketing department go. Gillette says they intend to replace the team with all female, yet conservative employees “so both sides shut the fuck up.”
Meanwhile the City of Portland, Oregon has been hit by gigantic tumbleweeds comprised of human hair that smells like Pabst Blue Ribbon and cigarettes. The tumbleweeds have already been added to the Endangered species list.
Photo: Per Jorgensen