Under the guise of lung cancer treatment, Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg underwent surgery to install a third lung – allowing her to take much bigger and deeper bong rips. “My tolerance is high,” Justice Ginsburg stated. “I medicate with about $400 worth of flower a month so this will keep me frosty. Plus, with the increased lung capacity, I’ll be blowing category 5 clouds.” Ginsburg is expected to make a full recovery and is maintaining a steady high thanks to a box edibles Senator Bernie Sanders baked and delivered to her hospital room.
Everything began when delivery driver Jessica Sturns noticed that something was awry when she saw the additional comment on the delivery instructions which read:
“Schwarzenegger was also not ‘carrying a backpack,’ he was actually strapped in to a military-grade jet pack.”
“We’re not saying that blind people should encircle DeVos and beat her with their white canes,” the statement read. “But we’re not, not saying it either.”