Viagra Ends Trump Sponsorship Deal

Viagra Ends Trump Sponsorship Deal

After 20 years, Pfizer has announced that it will end its sponsorship agreement with Donald Trump citing the president’s ‘obvious sexual assaults and misconduct’ as the grounds for partnership termination. To date, the president has received and taken approximately 41,200 pills – or 6 a day – since 1998.

“It’s one thing to have to take a pill in order to get an erection, it’s another to be a dick all the fucking time,” Chairman & CEO of Pfizer Ian Readhead stated. “If he wants to be a creep, Pfizer won’t be an accomplice by supplying pecker pills.”

Viagra also looked into the relationship between their erection medicine and high profile, rampant sexual indecency. Their studies found no correlation between the pill and the actions of sex criminals.

“We are aware that we may alienate quite a bit of our main demographic. But old, sexist, disgusting men like this; you know… people like the president, Harvey Weinstein, Roy Moore, Bill Cosby, Louis C.K., and Kevin Spacey – We want to ensure that they can’t blame Viagra for their actions, just as they certainly cannot blame their victims,” Read stated.

Going one step further, the makers of Cialis – Eli Lilly – have capped their age limit for purchasing their prescription pill at 50, stating that “old people sex is just gross.”

Viagra Ends Trump Sponsorship Deal
Pfizer says it will stop manufacturing the small blue pills and begin solely selling a version of Viagra that comes as a gigantic suppository which will entail ‘severe physical pain and require hours of effort in order to insert into the rectum. Photo by Audrey Disse, no endorsement implied.

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