US Health & Human Services Encourages Bulimia Over Anorexia

The US Department of Health & Human Services announced today that – when choosing between the two – bulimia is much better than anorexia. The public statement, which was given by Trump-appointed Secretary of Health & Human Services Alex Azar, offered a few reasons for the odd advice.

“First and foremost, bulimics benefit the economy because they actually purchase food,” Azar stated. “Secondly, maybe something stays in there. You know? Maybe they don’t puke it all up. I don’t know.”

“Either way we’re too fat. Americans. And let’s face it, we’re too lazy to try exercise or changing our diets. If you are going to pick one, pick bulimia. That’s all we’re saying here. This is probably the only option until we have food in pill form, or something. Wait do we have that or is it like an astronaut thing?” Azar concluded.

US Health & Human Services Encourages Bulimia Over Anorexia
“Getting the elderly to switch from anorexia to bulimia is our next big initiative that we will be working on.” – Secretary of Health & Human Services Alex Azar. Photo by Thomas Leuthard. No endorsement implied.

 

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