FOX News Anxiously Awaits Another Tragedy

Anchors and writers at FOX News are becoming increasingly impatient as they wait for another horrific tragedy to distract Americans from the travesty-of-a-man that is leading the country. Unable to hide their malaise, several FOX personalities have started to become visibly unnerved.

“Another mass Shooting, a devastating hurricane, how about a massive earthquake in San Francisco? A deadly global disease outbreak, some sort of broken levee situation – is that really too much to ask?!?” shrieked an unhinged and visually despondent Shepard Smith during his 3PM weekday show.

Even FOX & Friend’s Ainsley Earhardt, who is admired by many loyal viewers for being semi-literate, was at a loss when it came to filling the morning time slot.

“It’s getting to the point, and I hate to say this folks, but it’s to the point where we may have to make up something new. Benghazi, Hillary’s emails, Obama’s birth certificate… it’s not going to cut it anymore,” said Earhardt. “If God won’t trigger a tsunami because, you know, homosexuals – or decimate an entire island with a category 5 hurricane in another country; like Puerto Rico or Guam – then we’re going to have to do something drastic,” a dejected, misty-eyed Earhardt concluded while loading an AR-15.

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