West Virginia Serving ‘Clean Coal’ in Public School Lunches

A bill has passed in West Virginia that will require public schools to serve clean coal to students who cannot afford to pay for their meals. The measure, which was part of a larger clean coal initiative, is seen as a major victory for Republican Governor James Justice.

Justice, who is an American coal mining and agriculture businessman, applauded the bill’s passage.

“It’s time to get our coal miners back to work,” said Justice. “This is just one of our first steps toward making coal the main source of energy and job creation in the great state of West Virginia.”

West Virginia lawmakers view the new law as a twofold-victory that will both bolster the economy and eliminate the financial drain that came from handing out free meals to poor, homeless, or starving children.

West Virginia Serving 'Clean Coal' in Public School Lunches
A clause in the bill makes students’ clean coal meals free, as long as they mine the coal themselves. (3rd grader William Anders emerges from a new coal mine under Welch Elementary School with his lunch.)

“In many ways, this is also about teaching personal responsibility to children,” stated Justice. “Kids should learn from a young age that we Republicans only care about them before they are born – after that we could give two shits.”

Governor Justice is projected to make millions of dollars off of the new legislation, as public school properties in West Virginia are now exclusively contracted for mining with his company: Cabron Coal Corporation.

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