Obama Begins Nationwide Confiscation of Guns

Former President of the United States, Barack Obama, has begun a slow, arduous journey across the country in an effort to remove all guns from American households. Traveling solo, the 44th President started his door knocking campaign on Sunday morning in Prichard, Alabama – a neighboring city of Mobile, AL.

Obama said he chose to start his gun-stealing on Sunday morning to avoid as much confrontation as possible.

“I figured that most of these rednecks would be off at church trying to get their fake ‘God’ to forgive them for fucking their sisters, cousins, or various species of wildlife. So instead of having to interact with them, I just broke into their shitty shanties and took their guns,” Obama stated.

The former President reported that it was “very easy” to find most of the guns because almost all of them were kept in the oven, a microwave, or in makeshift baby cribs comprised of mostly empty beer cans. He added that all of the guns he confiscated were loaded and had the safety off.

“I wasn’t too shocked that it was easy to find these morons’ guns, but what really surprised me was the copious amounts of methamphetamines that were typically in the cribs, next to the guns, right next to a neglected redneck baby wearing a Dale Earnhardt shirt. It was real fuckin’ weird.”

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“I started in the South because that’s where most of the paranoid, gun-loving, animal fucking maniacs are.” – President Barack Obama

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