In yet another act of sheer hypocrisy, President A Crock O’ Drama has backtracked on yesterday’s promise to spare the lives of innocent turkeys named Tater and Tot – ruining a longstanding American tradition – and common decency as we know it.
The Asshole-in-Chief, who had pardoned Tater and Tot in front of the entire free world, apparently kept the Turkeys in a cage in The Blue Room of the White House overnight and then went on a murderous rampage today using various implements ranging from a barbed-wire-covered baseball bat, to tasers and rubber bullets.
The innocent turkeys, who were only 2 and 3 years old – respectively – died in a bloodbath in what was The Wizard of ‘uhhhs’ only non-teleprompter-based act in nearly 8 years. Experts have pointed to the fact that O’dumbers has been seeing a crisis counselor for the past few weeks in the wake of Donald Trump’s electoral college election.
Insiders report that President Hussein Yo’mama had actually spray painted one turkey orange and given the other fake lips and breast implants. During the brutal beating he was heard shouting “Fuck you Donald! Fuck you Melania!”
At press time, a slight majority of Americans approved of the Kenyan President’s actions; with about a 2-million-person majority being in agreement with the slaying.
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